


catharsis.

by meatshower



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Ableist Language, Bullying, Gen, Mentions of Morgana, Self-Esteem Issues, adhd ryuji, and mentions of his parents, and the phantom thieves, ryuji/akira near the end kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meatshower/pseuds/meatshower
Summary: another self projection fic, you'd think with 7 fuckin years atlus could write a decent fuckin character but i guess not!





	catharsis.

Ykno when you look someone dead in the eye and still can't understand or remember what they said? or when a little kid looks at you funny and you're fucked up over it for the whole week? no? hm.

This was the bare minimum of the daily grind for Ryuji Sakamoto. he couldn't call it a day without someone (usually an adult) constantly reminding him how stupid he was, even when they didn't say it. he knew. he read it on their faces.

Like when he couldn't remember what year the mongols tried to invade or how he couldn't remember how to multiply by 9 without using his fingers, or in extreme cases when he forgot which cabinet the plates went in despite doing the dishes every day since he was 10 years old. 

"The boy's a fucking fool." he heard one night, stirring from his sleep and unintentionally catching every word of the conversation. once he heard even the tiniest of noises, he tended to fixate. not that he wanted to, it was another one of the many things he hated about himself.

"He's a goddamn disgrace i tell you, all he does is fail tests and fuck up everything inbetween. what kind of useless shit goes out for milk and comes back with a sleeve of cookies and popsicles?" he remembers every word. he was 12 at the time.

"He's just a child, be a little easier on h-" "I don't care if he's a goddamn fetus the boy is USELESS. an idiot, a fucking fool! no way is that brat MY spawn, no way anything that STUPID came from these loins!" Ryuji doesn't remember much else after that, just waking up with tear stains soaking his pillow.

\---

"...Are you some kind of retard?" He was 14 then. it was Valentine's day, and in the boy's hands was a poorly wrapped somewhat messy block of chocolate. he'd missed a few steps, and his motor skills weren't exactly the best, but he'd tried. he'd had a thing for the girl for a while, he really really tried.

"H...Huh?" he asked, smile and confidence slowly fading. "Do you think i'm desperate? you're loud, you're reckless, you can't even add without using your damn fingers! Gimme a break and get out of my face." He stood there for a moment, trying to take in everything that just happened before nodding slowly, dropping the chocolate in the trash. He went home early that day and didn't return for a week.

\---

"Did you hear, the track team got disbanded!!" "You're kidding!" "Yeah, i heard that Sakamoto kid totally wailed Kamoshida, now everyone has to suffer!" "Of course it was that dickhead, what a good for nothing. Hasn't he ever heard of common decency?"

Rumors spread fast. he was 15 that year. He also dyed his hair.

\----

One good thing about having a memory as poor as ryuji's, was that it made him very resiliant. What it didn't make him however, was too calm in the face of constant teasing. After being picked on by men twice his age for years and constantly being put down by other kids, his RSD was constantly through the roof, and that's not a good combination when you have poor impulse and a bad temper.

"I'm sick of it, i'm sick of you always putting me down! stupid cat, if you hate me so much you don't have to be here!" Too much trauma. Too many insults. So much yelling. Overstimulation is fascinating, because it makes you say and act in ways you don't fully realize you're saying and acting. All Ryuji saw in that moment was red, but for once, he meant every stupid word of such a stupid decision.

\---

"...It's not your fault." a fairly soft voice said to him, sitting right beside him with a hand on his back. Akira's voice. Akira's hand. Ryuji kept his head low, but glanced ever so slightly to the side. All his life he was told to sit up straight and look people in the eye, otherwise you were a liar. a rude person; but he never could. He never cared. His self esteem was too low and even prior he never realized he was doing it anyway. There were a lot of things Ryuji didn't understand. it just came with being an idiot he guessed.

"What? morgana? I know it isn't. He's the one always picking on _me_ , so why am i the bad guy!?! Why am i always the bad guy for standing up for myself huh!?! It's not my fault I'm too stupid to do anything right, that I can't focus for too long and big words confuse me!! I'm." he wiped the tears forming on the corner of his eyes, cheeks a light pink. Frustration; it was a common emotion with this one.

Akira simply smiled. "Not just Morgana, Ryuji. Everything. Kamoshida, your dad...you're ok. You have every right to be angry at people who're poor to you...look at Ann with Kamoshida for God's sake." His voice stayed low, but his words meant the world. Never in his life was Ryuji told that it was ok to feel like he did, that the way he reacted wasn't his fault, that he wasn't a bad person. To anyone else it would've been a bunch of words, but for Ryuji, coming from Akira of all people, it meant the world.

"We love you, man. Me, Ann, Makoto, Yusuke, Futaba, Haru...we care. You're ok...it'll be ok." Ryuji's shoulders shook; he tried to hold back the sobs and sniffles but he couldn't. he was never one to hold back anyway. On anything. And Akira made sure to hold him until the tears died down.


End file.
